Maybe It’s Me

My husband thinks I might be giving off the wrong vibe since people are nice to him and not to me. Since he has lived here a long time (10 years with his first wife, 2 with me), he finds people in our fair suburb generally very friendly. Or at least he thought that until we went to the playground together as a family today. Me, hubby, younger stepson and the baby.

Before we even settle into our swing routine, my daughter spots an adorable white fluffy dog sitting next to the slides. Since she lives for dogs and I feel guilty that we’re never going to get her one (I am only having one kid so she will pay attention to me and not some dog when we’re at home, got it?), I always bring her over to the dog so she can pet it, lick it and generally just spaz out. I gingerly approach the very attractive woman on the bench who is talking to the semi-attractive guy next to her. It’s clear from their body language and stilted conversation about which synagogues they like that they are not a couple.

Me: Excuse me, do you mind if my daughter pets your dog? She loves dogs.

I’m sure she can barely hear me over the freakout sounds of my baby.

Pretty Dog Owner Woman: Oh, yeah – ok.

The dog proceeds to lick my daughter’s face off and my daughter proceeds to laugh and sing and make very cute excited noises. You would think that might elicit a glance (just a glance, mind you) from the pretty dog owner woman and the guy on the bench, but they don’t look down once or stop their conversation for a second.

So while I sit beneath the bench facilitating the lickathon, I am registering the shock that these 2 people have not once looked down to see what all the raucous is about. Finally, I feel we’ve overstayed our welcome (not that they’ve noticed) and I get up to leave.

Me: Thank you. The dog’s beautiful. What kind is it?
Pretty Dog Owner Woman: A Cockapoo?
Me: Oh she’s so cute.

Pretty Woman gives me a fake smile. I take my cue and move on.

For record, I am not a super-hot Mom with a super hot body who would threaten most women I come into contact with. I am attractive but could certainly lose a few lbs (even beyond the remaining baby weight). I am blessed with good skin which makes me look younger than my almost 39 years. But let’s face it: every woman at the playground is younger than me anyway – even the ones with 8 and 9 year olds! All this is to say that on the surface, I can’t possibly be a threat to these women. And unlike Kate Winslet’s character in “Little Children,” I am not some bohemian loner who looks like I’d rather have my head stuck in a book (or an oven), instead of conversing with the other Mommies.

We all end up on the swings with a seemingly nice attractive blonde woman pushing her very cute 18 month old daughter. I carry my daughter to the swing and my husband pushes her.

Blonde Woman: How old is she?

Me: Just about a year.

Blonde Woman: She’s not walking yet?

Nothing pisses me off more than questions like this. I mean besides my own insecurity that my baby has not arrived early to a single milestone, it’s just plain rude to make someone feel bad about something that shouldn’t even be happening yet!!

This obviously doesn’t go unnoticed by my husband either who is both very funny and very competitive like me.

Husband: She's not walking but the thing that has really surprised us is her fluent Spanish.

To her credit, Blonde Woman laughs and it seems genuine although I don’t think she realizes it’s mainly at her expense.

At this point, I’ve already decided Blonde Woman will not be a new friend, so I let my husband talk to her while I coach the ‘take the socks off the baby while she’s swinging game’ between daughter and stepson. It’s actually really fun and helps drown out the conversation between Husband and Blonde Woman.

As we leave the playground, I silently vow not to badmouth anyone and see what my husband has to say. His first words:

“That woman was a bragger. Kinda weird too.”

Phew. So maybe it’s not just me.